I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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