Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
