dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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