I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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