you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
