There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize