Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
