i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
