My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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