please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
