Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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