mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
zippers are such a cool invention
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
