fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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