I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
