god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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