ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
