I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
