you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ruined the universe
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
