doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
