there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
