I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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