Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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