Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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