I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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