I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A bitchslap is in order.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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