I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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