I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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