Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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