last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I deserve this hangover.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
