Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
