drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
