Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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