the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
