What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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