i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
