who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
