the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
