She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
