You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
