did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The air taste purple.
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