its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
