i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
