I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
