I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
