Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
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I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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