im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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