It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize