God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
