i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The Olympian is in my bed
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