Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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