At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
