She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
