i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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