girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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