That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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