New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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