Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize