This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize