my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
