theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
