Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
