Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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