break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
