I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
