Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
