so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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