dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
