I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
