I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
