i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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