ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
