Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
