watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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