Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
