oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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