Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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