Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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