their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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