SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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