we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
