Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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