i can't believe i had my finger in that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
