Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
