I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
