So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i came on her dog
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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